Angi Aymond

Growing up, we had no china cabinet. Because we had no china. Heck, I’m not sure we had two matching plates.

But a few years after I got married, I decided I should have some china. So, I went to my local Winn Dixie, where, with each purchase, you could buy a piece or two. Eventually, I accumulated a full set. It wasn’t fine china, mind you. But this girl had some fancy dishes of her own. Even if they did come from Winn Dixie.

Stacked carefully on the shelves behind wooden cabinet doors, my china was cherished. Never used. But loved just the same.

In due time, I pulled those prized pieces off the shelves and placed them ever so carefully into moving boxes. Protected by bubble wrap, the china traveled well. After twenty years and four moves, not a piece was broken.

But I was.

And I don’t mean chipped. Or cracked.

It wasn’t an overnight revelation. In fact, I would have denied it had you asked me about it. But a broken vessel cannot hide its brokenness forever, no matter how hard it tries.

No matter how hard I tried.

I loved Jesus. I taught about the love of Jesus. I sang about the love of Jesus.

But  underneath it all, I quietly believed Jesus was disappointed with me.

To overcome His displeasure, I worked hard to hide the broken parts of me. Service was my super glue.  Unconsciously, I believed  I could surely serve my way out of my brokenness. And boy, did I serve.

But a slow drip of shame followed me until I finally shattered. And my shatter led to my surrender. A full surrender of my greatest regrets and my painful past. Guilt that belonged to me, and shame that didn’t. A surrender of my scars. A willingness to let others see the worst. The hardest.

For years, I struggled to stay ahead of my scars. To maintain an image. Convincing myself I was protecting my image for the sake of my witness. But the only image God was interested in preserving was His image in me.

And if I was going to reflect His image to others, my own image had to shatter.

You may know that Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing — restoring — broken pottery by mending the broken areas with lacquer mixed with gold. It’s the art of embracing the damage — highlighting, not hiding the scars.

Just what God did with me. Within me.

To be honest, though I had surrendered my scars, I wanted God to put me back together in a way that hid them. But His gentle hand did otherwise.

God filled all of my broken places with Himself. He is the gold that is ‘holding’ me together. Through my deepest scars, His love is on display. A reminder of His grace, in which I am not only free to walk, but compelled to extend to others as well.

¹⁶ But I received mercy for this reason, so that in me, the worst of them, Christ Jesus might demonstrate his extraordinary patience as an example to those who would believe in him for eternal life. 

1 TIMOTHY 1, CSB

Yes. I would prefer an unbroken past. An unbroken life. Like my un-fine china that’s in a box.

But Jesus doesn’t want me in a box.

Oh, yes. There are days when I hear the enemy of my heart suggest that I stay tucked away. Or in the back corner of a china cabinet.

If Jesus had a china cabinet, I like to think He’d place me front and center— not because I was flawless — but because His grace shines brightest through the places He has restored.

⁶ I am sure of this, that he who started a good work in you^[b] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. 

PHILIPPIANS 1, CSB

What about you, friend? Are you cracked. Shattered? Are you carrying around too many broken pieces of your heart or life.

If I were with you right now, I’d take your face in my hands and as tenderly as I could—I’d whisper these words, “God loves you. This version of you.  Right here.  He loves this you.

Now friend, sit in that place of deep, transforming. For as long as you need. Surrender your deepest hurt. The pain that found you or the pain you marched right toward.

Let go of the shame—the wall you’ve built around your heart for protection—and let Him love you lavishly. 

Let Him forgive you. Heal you. Gather every broken piece you’ve been dragging around and create in you a beautiful work of art through which His love shines.