Angi Aymond

Today is my Mama’s birthday. She would have been 89 years old. Happy birthday, Mama!!

I miss her. The older I get, the things I miss about her change. Honestly, I miss the things we missed out on in this life. I have so many questions I never asked, and she never shared. And that often leads to me making up my own stories, true or not.

Mama never talked much to me about the day I was born. Never, in fact. This is probably why I have spoken and written in great detail about the experience of birthing all three of my children. But that’s a post for another day!

If I could take us all back to my day of birth, I’m pretty sure we’d see something very telling. From a view of 58 years later, I am certain I was born with something in my hand. A hammer. A bottle of glue. Possibly duct tape, because I was born a fixer. And it’s quite unfortunate. For me, and anyone I love.

Why? Because I see all broken things. And I want to fix things and systems, and people, and relationships. And when I can’t, I am tempted to run. Because I either must fix (which I really cannot), attempt to fix, or just not know it needs fixing.

Yes. That hammer, tape, and glue in my hand has done much more damage than that, which I perceived as needing fixing.

And don’t worry. I confess I was broken and in need of fixing just as much as anything or anyone.

Whew. I”m exhausted just admitting all of that to you!

But I have laid down the hammer. The tape. And the glue. Oh, I pick it up from time to time. I may even sleep with one of them on occasion.

But the One Who loves me – the One who is so patient with me – the One who can be fully trusted, continues to whisper, “Give it to me.” And He means the hammer. The tape. And the glue.

Cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you.

1 PETER 5:7

Oh, He well means the situation. The loved one. The friend. But He knows I’m not fully trusting Him until I hand over my tools.

Living in tension isn’t easy. Living with uncertainty isn’t either, and I confess I don’t much like it. But friends, without either, there would be no need for trust. My relationship with God, however, is based fully on my trust in Him.

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.”

-Isaiah 26:3-4

Are there things that I believe to be abosolute truth? Of course. But it’s all held together by my trust in Him.

So, if you see me around and I’m holding a hammer, some tape, or the glue, you all, each one of you, have my permission to remind me to lay it down. And give it to the Carpenter who can use ses all of those things much better than I can.

Be still and know that I am God.

PSALM 46:10